it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
