I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
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