im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
