so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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