so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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