Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Damn victory sex feels great
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
