i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
