the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
