just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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