I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The power of my boobs compel you
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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