The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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