I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
