You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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