remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize