My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
