there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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