Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
