she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
