so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
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