And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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