he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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