I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
