I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
