if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You were trust falling into bushes
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
