She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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