A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
