I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
