wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
