He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
