p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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