What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
