how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
