this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We have started to decorate penises.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
