A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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