I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
