he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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