I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
