Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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