u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I forget how to act sober
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
