Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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