I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
