Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Every concussion has its silver lining
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
