Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
