dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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