i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
