Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
