We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Im part way to drunk.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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