everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
