Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
