He uses pillows to masturbate.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
