It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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