On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
