i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
