I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
That reminds me...we need to get swords
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize