the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
