loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize