either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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