I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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