i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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