my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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