I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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