I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
