you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
