Three words: puerto rican gang bang
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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