why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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